


I wonder...

by Paradigmenwechsel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:29:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22535500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradigmenwechsel/pseuds/Paradigmenwechsel
Summary: Sam is devastated being played just again. And although it isn’t the first time he had been manipulated and trapped in some mind game…, he had never lost Hope, not like that and not so completely… the way Chuck had done it.Now the younger Winchester is questioning everything, looking for that one reassurance that could be his lifeline to move on.And eventually it comes from and in a strangely unexpected, but well known source.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 22





	I wonder...

**Author's Note:**

> Just a Filler to get something done, or at least lie to myself that i have. ^^!  
> Nope Beta, nope native and as usual consider yourself as warned and welcome to have some fun or get some distraction.
> 
> *wave* ^^)

I wonder… SPN FF

“Ok, what are you brooding over?” Dean questioned putting down another beer for his Brother who had been rather silent that evening and simply watched Jack and Castiel interacting strangely Human, making ones forget that they were, more or less, incredible powerful Celestial beings.

“Hm?” Sam turned as if woken from a dream just now and Dean smiled at this so common action when his ‘little’ Brother got focused on something.  
The older Hunter sat down beside his Sibling and joined him in watching the Angel and their ‘son’ affectionately reconnecting…  
It was way to touchy feely for Dean but in the end he could understand the needed reassurance Sam had participated in/at just bit earlier as well.

“Where is your brain going?” Dean repeated while taking a huge gulp from his own bottle of a cheap, nameless beer brand.

“I…just can’t forget the things … chuck… had showed me, about our end.”  
Dean grimaced at the world his dislike of the ‘man’ clearly showing right now and for good reasons.  
“Don’t.” He stated.  
“Don’t go there, it wasn’t us!” Dean insisted his hand slightly tightening around the bottle.

“I know.” Sam agreed, again watching Castiel seeking for that physical contact with the Nephilim as if afraid to loose him again just letting go for another second.  
And Jack didn’t seem to mind, easily accepting the hugs, the nudging and close proximity of the others. The young hybrid Angel even seemed to need and appreciate it.

“But…” Sam went on again.  
“I just can’t stop to wonder if…, this.” He gestured at them all, the short moment of peace and community at the Bunker library.  
“…If those Versions of us had that…, maybe even… more?”  
Sam sighed and Dean frowned, grimacing at what his Brother wanted to say.

“…You think there was…, is a Version of you out there…having… I mean, more…with Cass?”

Dean almost spilled his drink, coughing at the way this communication was going.

Jack and Cass turned in unison to get a look at the commotion in their back.  
But Dean just nodded and while lifting his bottle showed his typical, ‘my bad’ apology smile.

“Are you nuts!?” Dean whispered, his voice strained and him obviously not happy about this direction.

“I mean think about it.” Sam didn’t stop, completely ignoring any complains or warnings while still watching Cass and Jack now delved in some conversation.

“Are you drunk, what are you talking about?” Dean sounded angry but Sam just huffed at that so predictable reaction of the older one.

“I am not drunk, and you are a damn idiot.” Sam stated, his eyes a bit teary…  
“What ever it is that you have with him…, it can’t be one of Chuck’s damn story lines…” Sam sounded sad, his voice cracking slightly.  
“I will never know… But you… Whatever it had been that had brought Cass into your life, it obviously had long gone beyond any given plan God could possibly have made up…, with him…” And Sam slightly smiled into the Angels direction.  
“…always close, always somehow by your side…”

“You are an idiot…” Sam stated again, this time his voice broken for real and him having tears in his eyes as he turned towards his big Brother.

“You could have that at least…!” Sam pointed out, with his tears starting to fall and way too much Emotion’s for that Matter at all.  
“Frig…Sam!” Dean hustled a bit overwhelmed at that unexpected Reaction, and unable to figure what to do, but just in case putting his bottle down.

“You could have that all…” Sam repeated…  
“It was always there…” He stated again, obviously loosing his barely held together ‘calm’.

“Jeeez…” The older Hunter eyed the two Angel already focusing on them before he got up and grabbed his Brother pulling him along.  
“…HEhe A BIT MUCH FOR YOU HM SAMMY!” Dean stated loudly to make a show, not really believing it to work as he ‘supported’ his Brother out of the Library waving at Cass and Jack suspiciously eyeing them.  
“I get him back, guess we all could use some sleep…or what ever.” Dean announced finally leaving with a desperately crying Sam.

\-------------

He did not scold his Brother, did not make fun of him or tried to talk him out of his sudden, overwhelming Emotional Rush.

Instead he walked Sam to his room and sat him down on the bed, taking the place right beside, gently patting and caressing the younger Ones back.  
Only accompanying his Brother while Sam’s body and mind just flushed it all out…  
The betrayal, the short hope of a Relationship, the insecurity if it had been forced, set up, like so many things in his life before…  
Dean could see that struggle, could understand and even relate, Sam wasn’t the only one who was still trying to figure that all out…

\----------------

“I…am….sorry…” Sam sniffed after some time…, already trying to rub the tears out of his face, trained and raised to at least show a strong expression, especially as John had still been around.  
But Dean just sighed and grabbed his Brothers hands, keeping him from irritating his already reddened eyes further more.  
He didn’t said anything and just slightly shook his head for Sam to stop apologizing for what he felt right now…

It must have been difficult over all those years being on his own…although Dean would never see it like that, as he had always been on Sammy’s side…, no matter what.  
But looking through/at it from a slightly changed perspective…

“…you are right.” Dean suddenly stated, his hands folded in his lap.  
“…I had it all, always there, always by my side.” He stated in thoughts and could feel how Sam tensed, about to tear up again…  
“…But… It wasn’t Cass…, although I like him, a lot. It was never Cass…” Dean stated subdued.

“…And I am sorry that you felt alone… That I failed to assure you…, that you’ve lost hope there…”  
Dean didn’t look up, didn’t move and just stared at his hands.

“Everything you’ve said is truth… No matter what had been the Idea, the start…, after all that time…, and seeing that there are so many different Versions fighting it, any Storyline god might had set up…”  
“It should be clear by now that this wasn’t decided by chuck and his twisted idea of entertainment, had not been for a long time now…”

“I am sorry Sammy…, that I couldn’t make you believe, that I couldn’t trust it myself…but… you are not alone in this, have never been. This is not a play or a game or anything…”  
“I…, we have proven… towards each other, so often, that this, that we… are real… all of it, all of us, what we have...”  
And with a small voice Dean added.  
“…and more…”

“It isn’t Cass…”  
He mentioned once more before they both sank back into silence.  
Side by side, just together, like it had always been…  
…In each and every Reality they had been tortured with.

End…


End file.
